A Good Southern Girl Gets a Grip...

Books I have purchased…

…But not yet read:

I should probably stop buying books until I’ve made it through my to-be-read pile, no?

 

Bits & bobs: February 18th, 2013

I came across an article this morning on a startup company called Stripe, which has what they’re calling an “open email policy”. All email is public… Everyone inside the company has access to every email every employee sends. The thought made my eyebrows go up at first, but after thinking about it, there’s nothing in my work email that I wouldn’t want my co-workers to see, except maybe the odd typo.

Alabama’s taking the Voting Rights Act to the Supreme Court, arguing that it’s outdated. For those not in the know, the VRA was passed in 1965, and prohibited changes to voter law and procedure in certain states, counties, and municipalities that weren’t such fans of black people voting. Alabama’s arguing it’s outdated, because apparently, discrimination, voter suppression, and concern about disenfranchisement is a thing of the past. Isn’t that super fun?

Netflix’s new series House of Cards, a remake of a 1990 BBC miniseries, is apparently Netflix’s most watched show. I binged on it while I was sick this weekend and suffice to say, I am obsessed. It’s like The West Wing gone dark and I love it. The relationship between the main character and head schemer, Francis Underwood, and his wife, Claire, is perfect… Or, well, perfectly dysfunctional. I like dysfunction. It’s kind of my thing. My political nerd friends are going nuts, but I’d be interested to hear from people who aren’t political nerds. Any of you watching House of Cards?

 

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Lastly, it’s President’s Day, which means some of you are at home for this fabled three day weekend I keep hearing about, including my friends over at theSkimm. If you’re tired of trying to keep up with all the news, theSkimm is the way to do it. They send out a brief, easy to understand email every morning with the top news stories you’ll need to know about for the day, plus witty commentary so you can get plugged in fast. It’s the first thing I read nearly every morning. Sign up here.

Doing the damn Fashion thing….

I’m featured over at Rachel Wilkerson’s The House Always Wins today, talking about fashion and having what you want, regardless of size. Go over and check it out?

If you’re popping in from THAW, check out my favorite posts of late:

Hope you’ll stick around!

xoxo,

Dallas

the look for less: patterned chambray

I used to call these spend or save, but then I realized that honestly, it’d take an act of Congress and something really special to make me say to y’all: yes! Spend four times as much for a similar item! That said, here’s your Look for Less….

chambray dot

 

On the left, we have a polka dot chambray button down from Old Navy for a mere $24.95 and on the right we have a circle-print chambray popover from J.Crew for an astonishing $88. I don’t know about you, but $88 for a shirt I can’t wear to work is a bit much. Okay, $88 for a shirt is a bit much, regardless. I’ve not been impressed with the quality of the items I’ve gotten from J.Crew in the last couple of years, so I’m confident saying that for such a seasonal, trendy look, Old Navy is your jam. ON has been rocking the J.Crew inspired gear and now J.Crew inspired styling with those sleeves rolled just so. Last week, someone asked how I’d style the colorblock striped tee, so here’s my shot at styling the ON button down:

Screen Shot 2013-02-04 at 4.28.23 PM

Simple pearl earrings and a crisp white watch set off the patterned chambray and the bright ankle pants from Old Navy — no dreary days when you’re wearing these tomato red beauties. Simple gold flats don’t compete with either the pattern or the pop of color and make it easy to dash around the office wrapping up your week. Because my motto is “love me, love my giant tote”, I threw in a dreamy leather tote from Madewell. You’ll be ready to jet out for a few adult beverages after work and have a place to stow your sweater for those chilly offices. Don’t you wish it were Friday already?

I don’t hate my body

It is a truth universally acknowledged that you hate your body. No, really. Just ask any women’s magazine. Or men’s magazine. Or pinterest. Or the people who write about waging war on fat. Battle of the bulge. Fight the pounds!

Fitspo. Thinspo. Ragespo?

Here’s the thing: I’m fat. By any measure or judgement, I’m fat. No, no. Don’t assure me that it’s not true. I don’t use that word as a negative or as a self-insult. I use it simply as a descriptor. I’m fat! Someone calling me fat has very little power because, well, yep. On the other end of that spectrum, someone hurriedly assuring me that I’m not fat makes me wonder if they come from a land where everyone is 250 pounds and they’re just the odd one out at 130?

I’ve done a lot of reading and thinking about fat acceptance. One of my favorite authors, Lesley Kinzel (a self-described “mouthy, fat broad”), was my gateway into fatshion – the startling idea that you can be fat and still enjoy being visible. I’ll let you dive into fat acceptance on your own, because body acceptance and rejection of body policing is just awesome.

Someone’s going to make some kind of assertion that by saying I like my body the way it is, I’m ruining America, because — obesity. Blah, blah. Obesity can have health impact. No kidding. But so can a myriad of other factors. We all know a super skinny girl who can’t make it up the stairs and we all know a fat girl running the half marathon. Weight isn’t everything. All of that’s beside the point.

What I’ve struggled with is walking this line… How can I both love my body and desire to change it? How can I resist the cultural siren call of loathing myself while also acknowledging that I want my body to be smaller?

I’m not totally sure how I’ve managed to walk this line. Sheer obstinance, for one. I once saw an ad for Jenny Craig that showed a thin woman who had presumably lost weight. “Now I can wear colors again!” It proclaimed. As if being fat is a ticket to all-black, colorless invisibility. As if being fat removes your value and takes away your permission to exist. Fuck that.

I want my body to be smaller. I want to be able to run faster, wear J.Crew, and go rock climbing. (Okay, mostly I just want to wear J.Crew, let’s be real.) But wanting that, and desiring to be stronger, faster, and yes, healthier for me, doesn’t mean that I loathe the body. My body’s carried me through roughly 28 years of life thus far. It’s taken me into horseback riding competitions, hiking up beautiful mountain trails, kayaking on my favorite lake in the world. It’s been good to me, except that pesky little inability to be exposed to the sun because I am ghost-colored. I’m strong and I take up space and I refuse to apologize for that.

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Body hatred is a sport in America. Loathe it, fight it, use war-related language to discuss your relationship with your own physical self. I refuse. I’m not fighting anything. I am not at war with my own flesh. I will wear red pants and polka dots and I will take up space, because no one has the right to insist that I don’t. You are valuable without being thin. You are valuable if you are thin. You are valuable without being able to run a mile as fast as that other woman. You are valuable if your breasts are small. You are valuable without going to war with yourself to achieve some unachievable standard of beauty and acceptable body size. You are valuable.

Noted –

Things you should read:

Things I wore:

Jan 28

Okay, gang. I might have an addiction to stripes. What? They’re so great. You might recognize the top in outfit number one from this post. What can I say? Told you it was a “buy the cheaper version because it’s just as awesome” moment. Stripes! Colors! Ankle pants! We’ve been having insane weather in Raleigh – the wind has been brutal. Wearing one’s hair down hasn’t seemed like a particularly fruitful life choice at any step of the week. My question is this: does anyone other than me struggle with pencil skirts slipping sideways during the day? It’s only the one I have that’s lined that does it, but man alive, it’s the worst.

 

The deets

1: David Yurman Inspired Earrings from Versona, Stella & Dot Necklace,

JCPenny Colorblock Striped Top, JCPenney Tuxedo Strip Ankle Pants, Target Flats.

2. Stella & Dot Necklace, Wrap Top (Thrifted), JCPenney Black Pencil Skirt

3. Forever21 Bow Earrings (Similar), Banana Republic Necklace (Similar), Old Navy Sweater,

Target Ponte Leggings (Similar), JCPenney Peplum Tee (Similar), Target Flats.

Thought of the week…

Nerd Girl Problems

Because this happened to me at least five times in the last five days… Have a great weekend, everyone! See you Monday.

Lies They Told Me: Beauty is Effortless

There is a great lie (or two) out there. It goes something like this: girls just know how to do beauty stuff. It’s a right of womanhood. You can curl, pluck, apply with ease, because you’re a girl.  This is why I buy new beauty products my favorite beauty bloggers rave about and promptly end up never using them because what do I know about liquid gel eyeliner? (Clue: nothing.)

The second great lie is this: girls love beauty and fashion and shopping. All of them! Because girls are a unit, you see. They’re all alike! You love clothes, because you’re a girl! Fashion is your very favorite thing, because did I mention? You’re a girl! This kind of assumption is what leads to moments where my friends tearfully confess they hate every article of clothing they wear and that getting dressed in the morning stresses them out.

The sub-lie to these ridiculous lies is that beauty is easy-peasy. It’s effortless. You roll out of bed looking that way. You magically know how to slide pins into your hair just so. You know what cut of jean flatters and what colors work with your skin. This, apparently, is knowledge women are born with, as society also clearly tells us that men can’t pattern mix or shop their way out of a paper sack.

I spent years feeling like I just wasn’t that pretty. Maybe I missed out on the whole “here’s how to be a traditionally beautiful lady” talk because my mom died when I was young. My hair didn’t look like the shiny, seemingly effortless ‘dos that I saw on trendy heads in every direction. My skin was fine but not flawless. Makeup was confusing and all I could manage was a bit of foundation and some mascara. Lipstick was completely mystifying… How do you avoid getting that crap all over your face? All of this added up: I just wasn’t very pretty. The facts were clear, I didn’t have the natural ability to gloss myself up like a Victoria’s Secret model, so… Plain Jane. Future crazy cat lady and spinster aunt. Not pretty. I had moments. For special events, I could pull myself together. It took forever and I never felt completely comfortable. It was a mask I put on.

Then, something amazing happened.

I bought a set of hot curlers on the recommendation of Belle at Capitol Hill Style. I used them. I was wowed. My hair could look so fancy! And hey, I could do just a little bit of makeup and come up with a natural but very polished look! I could search Pinterest and find tutorials for exactly what to do with those hairpins to create the right look. I could find pictures of outfits I loved and buy similar pieces to put ensembles together — without spending $1,000 on a single outfit. Because… what? Who are these women with all that money?


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One day, it all seemed to click. I realized the beauty and style are effortless thing isn’t a lie, per se, but a misrepresentation. It can be effortless, once you figure it out. But it requires an investment in advance. What are your go-to ways to do your hair? Spending a couple of hours playing with tutorials can lead you to find just the right ‘do to get you through that third day hair when you overslept but probably should have showered regardless. Fiddling with eyeliner on a random Tuesday night can lead to discovering that holy crap it really does something for your eyes! Playing dress-up for fun and trying new things in the privacy of your own home means you can land on the look you love, your signature look. For me, it’s ankle length pants. Who knew I could find slacks that didn’t make me feel frumpy? Who knew there was a way to wear flats that made your ankle look so slender and nice? Ankle pants knew, that’s who.

It takes time. It takes effort. But you can create norms and routines that make your style easy and comfortable. Pinterest and YouTube and style blogs offer up an endless buffet of options to figure out how to find out what works best for you. Or you can choose to wear yoga pants and throw your hair up in a bun – or shave it all off, if you want – because screw it. You’re a woman. You get to do whatever you want.

If you have a favorite beauty or fashion blog, YouTube channel, or Pinterest board, share it in the comments… I’m always looking for new lovelies to check out.

Spend or Save – Striped Tee

J.Crew - Spend

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$45 at J.Crew

Save - JCPenney

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JCPenney – $16
Plus Size Option – JCPenney, $18

Color blocking and stripes are all the rage — it’s everywhere, from our pricey love, J.Crew to our more budget-minded friend, JCPenney. Sometimes, it’s worth paying more, but I’ve seen both in person and have to say… Go for the Penney’s version. It’s soft, pretty, and fits nicely. The lemon yellow is on trend and evocative of the J.Crew original, but there’s a pink and black colorway if that’s more your speed. Happily, there’s also a plus size option for a couple dollars more!

For a third of the price, this is a moment to save.

Words I Cannot Spell

Misspell - Final
If someone were to walk into my apartment and tell me that I had to spell one of these three words or the world would end, I’m sad to say that the world would end immediately. There seems to be no mental trick I can teach myself — no matter how often I need to write them, I cannot spell them. Some kind of mental block, no doubt. I’m this close to mastering convenience, but I have to sound it out in my head like a second grader. Con-veeeen-iii-eeence.

Alas. As my favorite college professor used to say, “Good spelling is the sign of a wasted childhood.”

Are there words that baffle you? Or am I just oddly stunted in having three silly words that I cannot manage? Did anyone else desperately want to win the spelling bee but never even come close?


How to change your life — in a year

When January 1, 2012 rolled around, I did what we all tend to do when the ball (or Acorn, if you’re in Raleigh) drops: I looked at where I was at and thought about where I wanted to be.

I wrote a blog post on my old blog, dubbing 2012 The Year of Doing Things.

I explained, “I’ve been throwing myself a tiny pity party on a regular basis since I graduated college. Is this all there really is? I would ask myself, dismayed. You just go to work and come home and make something to eat and go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow? I’m changing that in 2012. I’m changing that starting right now.” I have a habit of being overly ambitious and overly optimistic. I’m not sure I really believed those words when I wrote them. Isn’t that the kind of thing we all say every New Year’s Eve? I’ll lose weight, learn French, run a marathon, save up money, fly to Portugal?

The difference this time is that I actually did the damn thing. What I realized last January was this:

“Being afraid doesn’t mean I can’t do something. It means I’m afraid.  It means that I need to take a deep breath and do the damn thing.  It means that I need to accept I might fail.”

2012 was a phenomenal year for me. I started going out more – painting with friends, putt-putt golf, dinner dates. I decided to engage in things I cared about and see what happened. I joined the Wake County Young Democrats and ran for Executive Board at my first meeting. Ballsy, no? I got a job that I love more than I thought possible. I made friends that I love with every little fiber of my heart. I went on road trips, chased President Clinton around Charlotte, held my own in board meetings, planted my feet and dug in. I didn’t do everything I wanted to do in 2012 – but my life is completely different come this January. It’s full of things I wished for and wanted. It’s full of promise and I cannot wait to see what happens in 2013.

So much of what’s on the internet is people desperately wanting things they don’t have. Pinning it, tumbling it, tweeting it. Inspirational quotes. Thinspo, fitspo, dream closets. It’s going to sound like an inspirational cliche, but the trick I’ve discovered is just to do it.  The things you see and read on the internet can be a motivator — or, let’s be honest, they can also create a nasty case of the inadequates, so proceed with caution — but ultimately, YOU have to do it. YOU have to make the change. And I love my iPhone, but if you put it down for a few minutes, it’ll still be waiting for you when you come back.

The title of this post promised that I’d tell you how to change your life in a year. Here’s my crack at it:

Live the life you want to lead. Take small steps. Work hard. Be kind. Put yourself out there. Be honest about what you want and why you don’t have it. Find someone who will listen to you and give you honest feedback. Be okay with the feeling of discomfort. Trust the process. Growing up doesn’t stop when you graduate college. The real world isn’t some magical place or a TV sitcom. It’s happening and you get to decide how you carry yourself through it.

Change your life